


Back To You

by Mcusekat



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Fake AH Crew, Getting Back Together, M/M, Post heist, Some Angst with a Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-04
Updated: 2016-12-04
Packaged: 2018-09-06 08:07:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8741794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mcusekat/pseuds/Mcusekat
Summary: It's been two months since Ryan broke up with Gavin, but Ryan hasn't healed at all. Now, stuck in an abandoned factory with him after a heist gone wrong, he's suffering the consequences of not moving on.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This was somewhat inspired by Reservoir Dogs. Maybe someday I'll actually write the Reservoir Dogs AU I've been wanting to write for awhile now.

  Ryan's lungs felt like they were on fire. He was only 30, and his job required some level of athleticism, but he had gotten lazy as of late. Mostly due to the fact that he hadn't slept well for the past two months, so after they spent an entire day planning the heist the last thing he wanted to do was visit a gym. He was regretting that now. Things went south quick, the bag of cash was heavy on his shoulder, and he'd been running for at least an hour now, through winding back roads.

  When he reached the trailer park on the edge of the city, aptly called Stab City, he stopped for a short rest. He tried to reach out to the rest of the crew with his walkie talkie, but to no avail. He hadn't heard from the guys since the heist. Without the imminent threat of arrest or death behind him, he was beginning to worry about the others. The mere thought of any of them being caught or killed left a pit of anxiety in his stomach. 

  He shook his head to clear his mind of the thought. He had to reach the rendezvous point. That's where they'd be if they outran the cops.

  He found the one car in Stab City that looked like it'd run and hot wired the engine. The rendezvous point was nearby, an old warehouse a couple miles off the freeway and behind Chiliad, along a winding back road. He tuned the station to a news channel, but the farther he got from the city the worse the reception became until he could hardly distinguish a word behind the static. Convenient, he muttered. The anxiety in his stomach grew. 

  He pulled up to the warehouse and got out to open the gate. Once he was in and parked, he relocked the gate and hurried into the warehouse.

  One person was already there; Gavin.

  “Ryan!” Gavin said when he saw Ryan. He seemed to relax a little. 

  “Any word from anyone else?” Ryan asked. He tossed the bag onto the table. He sat sideways, mostly to prop up his feet but he'd be lying if he claimed that it wasn't also so he didn't have to look at Gavin. 

  Gavin was tinkering with a handheld radio. The signal was bad but he could at least somewhat understanding what the voices were saying. They were talking about traffic now. Two hours after the heist and they'd seemed to already move on to other news. Ryan wasn't sure if this was a good or bad sign. 

  “No. Nothing on the news either. Would they say if they caught one of us?”

  Ryan shook his head. “Probably not until the dust has settled.”

  Gavin huffed. “Our walkie talkies are out of range as well. We're completely in the dark here.”

  “Great,” Ryan muttered, running his hands over his face. He settled onto the bench with a sigh. It was only 9 pm, but he knew he was in for a long time.

~

  Geoff had approached Ryan with the job offer, initially. The Fake AH Crew was still up and coming, but with Ramsey, muscle of the once-infamous now disbanded Rooster Teeth crew people knew it wasn't long before they ran the city. However, Ryan enjoyed lone wolfing it. He certainly wasn't unknown in Los Santos’s underground but without anyone calling the shots for him he still had freedom to do whatever he wanted. It was more dangerous and less profitable to be independent, though, so he accepted Ramsey's proposal after a couple weeks of contemplation. 

  He met the crew soon after. The main five were the ones he would spend the most time with so he got more acquainted with them. There was also a B-Team, who would do the back stage work, but Geoff said it was most important that he get along with the five. 

  He fit in surprisingly well. They all had quite a bit in common, like a love of video games. Most of the time spent not planning heists was spent online or passing around a few controllers in video games.

  However, he didn't click well with anyone in particular. As a whole they got on well, but he didn't spend much time with any single person in general. He didn't mind this at first, but after awhile it was a little isolating. However, there was one member of the crew who seemed very eager to try to get to know Ryan better. That was Gavin Free.

~

  Ryan wasn't good at patience, especially not in a dire situation such as this. It wasn't even an hour before he started restlessly pacing the room, listening intently at the static for even the breath of one of their names. 

  When the radio station host announced an hour of uninterrupted music Ryan took off to wander the building. The entry room that they were in was relatively small, whereas the next room was large and vast. The machines that once inhabited it were long gone, but under the dust and dirt there were outlines in the floor where they once were. Ryan circled around the room, peeking into the little side rooms (mostly closets, though a few were offices) and looking for anything of interest. It was all just trash and dirt. Completely empty. Still, the silence was nice. Putting distance be himself and Gavin was nice. So he continued to walk around the room aimlessly.

  However, Gavin entered the room, radio in hand, and looked up at him. 

  “What are you doing?” he asked. He had that carefully blank look on his face that Ryan had come to loathe.

  “Looking around.”

  He frowned deeper. “Why?”

  Ryan shrugged.

  “Anything interesting?” Gavin asked.

  “Not really. Place is pretty empty.” 

  Gavin leaned against the door frame. “This used to be a steel plant, if I recall. In the twenties.”

  “Oh?”

  “Yeah. Geoff told me.” Gavin's gaze fell to the floor. 

  Small talk. Gavin knew he didn't care what the building used to be, but he couldn't stand silence. Especially when he was nervous. Ryan didn't usually mind because he also had the social skill to make interesting conversations out of nothing. Now, though, it was a different story. He wondered why Gavin even came into the room in the first place.

  “Hear anything on the radio?”

  Gavin shook his head. “No. Just weather, still.”

  Ryan sighed. “We should probably stay in the front in case anyone shows up,” Ryan said.

  “Yeah,” Gavin agreed. He hesitated, staring at Ryan, before disappearing back into the main room. Ryan lingered before following him.

~

  Gavin never struck Ryan as someone he would get along with. He was the son of a mob boss and lived a cushy life until he joined the Fake. He spent money like it was nothing, with designer clothing, Rolex watches, and gold framed Ray Bans. His car was a junk heap because Geoff wouldn't let him buy anything nice because he'd immediately trash it, and he went through bikes like they were disposable. He couldn't deny that the lad was attractive, extremely so, but Ryan was a utilitarian. Gavin's wastefulness abhorred him. 

  However, Gavin was eager to get to know him. From day one he pestered Ryan constantly. His conversation topics were often absurd things like “Do you own a rice cooker?” or “For one million dollars would you have it so you had to cry before you wanked?” It baffled Ryan, but he mostly humored him. It seemed harmless, and he wasn't asking invasive questions. However, when he realized that Ryan was actually responding to his odd questions, whereas the rest of the guys called him an idiot, it became a common occurrence.

  Ryan, however, didn't particularly care. Gavin wasn't as self centered as he'd assumed, and it was nice to have some entertainment.

  But eventually it got to be too much. He developed something too deep for his liking.

  He was besotted with Gavin, the most fickle of the crew. The man who never kept a lover for more than a week haunted him. It became an issue, so Ryan began distancing himself from Gavin to try to wane off the emotions.

  Gavin, however, couldn't take the hint that Ryan no longer wanted to be around him. He was persistent. If Ryan was on the couch Gavin was beside him. On car rides Gavin would wait until Ryan had chosen his seat and take the one beside him. Ryan couldn't tell him to fuck off because, despite how much he wished he didn't, he cared about his feelings. So he took it all in stride until it finally came to a head. 

  He was outside on the balcony having a smoke when Gavin came out and joined him. 

  Ryan covered his sigh with a long exhale of smoke. “Hey Gavin.”

  “Hey Rye. What's going on?”

  He leaned on the railing beside him and Ryan had to force himself to not let his eyes scan over his body.

  “Nothing. Why? Do you want something?”

  Gavin shrugged. “Don't need a reason to hang out with a friend, do I?” 

  Ryan noticed an odd slant to his smirk. He frowned. “What do you want?”

  “Are you busy tonight, Ryan?”

  “No.”

  “You want to go out for dinner, just me and you? About six, at that fancy place downtown. I'll pay,” he said. 

  Ryan stared at him. “What do you mean by dinner?”

  Gavin grinned. “A date, you nob.”

  Ryan stared at him again. “Okay,” he said, despite himself. 

  Gavin's grin widened. “Brilliant! Dress nice. Should I pick you up at your flat?”

  Ryan shook his head. “I'll drive. 5:30?” 

  “Okay,” he said, then disappeared back into the house. Ryan leaned on the rail and flicked his ashes over the side, wondering what he'd just agreed to. His logical side told him this was a bad idea, but it was too late now. He'd been too far gone for almost a month now. 

  When they fell into his bed later that night, Gavin's hands gripping the front of his shirt like he was afraid he'd run away otherwise, it only cemented this fact in his mind. 

~

  The problem wasn't so much that they had nothing to talk about, but more that all the things they wanted to talk about were “off limits.” There was boundaries now in what they could say to each other, and those boundaries weren't clear to either of them. So they settled on small, safe topics; the weather, the job, the guys. Ryan hated small talk, but he hated that he had to small talk to Gavin even more.

  Gavin felt the same. Ryan was good at reading Gavin, and right now he could tell that Gavin was uncomfortable. His legs swayed slightly, he was messing with the hem of his shirt, and he was avoiding Ryan's gaze. Ryan wished he could do something, but mending bridges was a combined effort. If Gavin wanted to sit in an uneasy silence, there was nothing Ryan could do about it. 

  Gavin went back to fiddling with the radio while Ryan leaned against the wall. The night was winding down, it was about 11pm now so the radio stations had longer periods of music between the news updates. When the host broke the music feed to talk about news Gavin turned the volume up and they both listened. 

  “An update on the recent bank robbery that occurred at the Maize Bank this evening;

  “Three officers were killed and two more were critically injured in the ensuing firefight. At this current time there is no update on the status of the injured officers though the wounds were reported to be 'superficial.’ The police suspect the Fake AH Crew are behind the robbery, though no suspects have been caught at this time. The police are still on the lookout, however, and you are urged to call the toll-free line if you see anyone suspicious. The number is 1-323--”

  The grin that appeared on Gavin's face made his heart wrench in his chest. “They're not caught!”

  “They're probably just hunkering down for awhile, then,” Ryan said. He was smiling too. Even hearing that they weren't arrested relieved a substantial amount of weight from his chest.  “They said they're still looking for us, so they probably don't want to lead them to the warehouse.” It was the most likely thing Ryan could think of, but it didn't erase the fact that they still weren't there, with them. Safe.

~

  No one thought twice when Ryan began spending more time at the penthouse, hardly ever leaving in fact. No one mentioned anything when Gavin became glued to Ryan's side, always draped over him in some way, shape, or form. No one batted an eye when they saw Ryan leave Gavin's room early in the morning in his boxers and a tee shirt.

  Ryan never thought much of it until he and Michael were on a hit mission together. They were silent, watching the entrance of the club from their position a ways down the road. The car was completely silent up until the moment when Ryan's phone vibrated. He fished it from his pocket and clicked on the message icon. 

_   'Gav- Hello luv <3 Geoff wants 2 kno if u and micoo have eyes on the guy yet?’ _

_   'Ryan- Not yet. It's winding down here so he should be out soon.’ _

  Michael chuckled. “You know, Geoff and I were wondering when you two would get together. We even placed bets after you both started acting like emotionally stunted schoolkids.”

  Ryan raised his eyebrows. “Bets?

  “Geoff gave it three months, but I was a bit more optimistic. I bet one. Whoever got closest took the cash. Unfortunately, you guys screwed me over once again and Geoff took the cash.”

  Ryan chuckled. “How much was it?”

  “Twenty bucks. But it's more the principal of the matter. Every time I lose a bet to Geoff his ego grows  _ that much _ more, and god knows his ego is big enough.”

  “Well, I apologize then,” Ryan said, smirking. “For what it's worth, I also wish it only took us a month to fess up.”

  For a split second, Michael gave a soft smile. It was always jarring to see him show any emotion other than angry or excited, but when it came to his friends he tended to have a soft spot. “I'm just glad it finally fucking happened. Gavin's a lot less of a piece of shit nowadays. Still a piece of shit, though.”

  The rest of the evening was spent in comfortable silence. The best part about working with Michael was that he didn't feel the need to fill every moment with words. So Ryan ruminated on what he said until their target stepped out of the nightclub and started ambling drunkenly down the sidewalk towards their position. 

  Later that night when they got back to the pent, fresh from a kill and ready to take a shower and get to bed, Ryan realized how much had changed. For the better, of course. He used to think that he couldn't stand to be in a relationship. The thought of having to maintain an emotional bond on top of all the shit he had to deal with on a regular basis sounded abhorrent. He couldn't imagine how someone could ever want to spend the rest of their life with a single human being. It all just sounded tedious and unnecessary. 

  But now he couldn't wait to see Gavin again. He looked forward to the times they could be together, just them, with no obligations to do anything. He loved lying in bed in the mornings and kissing lazily as the house woke up around them. He loved the way Gavin looked at him when he'd just woken up, like Ryan was the only thing he could ever want again.

  He expedited his shower, anxious to crawl into bed and pull Gavin close to him. 

  “Hello, luv,” Gavin muttered, feeling the bed sink in behind him. He shifted so he could better fit into the curve of Ryan's body. 

  “Hello, dear,” he said.  His breath felt short. He wrapped his arms around Gavin's waist and buried his face in his neck. “I love you,” he murmured.

  Gavin didn't reply. His breaths were slow and even, so Ryan assumed he was asleep. It was probably for the best, he reasoned. Gavin never did well with serious emotions, and he didn't want to scare him away. Still, he couldn't shake the weight that settled on his heart.

~

  Ryan was beginning to feel the effects of exhaustion, but there was still just enough anxiety to prevent him from taking a nap. He talked to Gavin, still stuck on the dammed small talk, but he didn't care. He listened to Gavin's voice absently, enjoying the sound in the otherwise silent room.

  The walkie talkie fizzled, and Ryan snapped from his exhausted haze. A call, and the only ones who had their signal was the other members. “Hello, anyone there?”

  Gavin made a mad grab for the device and spoke into it. “This is Gavin,” he said, not even trying to conceal the excitement in his voice. 

  “Gavin, it's Geoff. Jack and I are in our way to base. Where are you?”

  Gavin grinned. “We're at base. Ryan and I. Have you heard anything from Michael or Jeremy?”

  “Nothing yet, but I haven't heard anything bad from them either. They probably laid low like Jack and I. The cops were following us pretty closely back there for awhile. I'm probably going to lose you again here in a minute. Just sit tight, Jack and I will arrive soon. Over and out.”

 Gavin set the receiver back onto the table. He looked like he'd instantly become ten years younger from the relief that overcame him. Geoff and Jack were alive, and unharmed. At the very least, they had them. Gavin looked up at Ryan and met his eyes. He still saw the tension in his body, but it was nowhere near as bad as it had been.

  “Hey, you know how Michael and Jeremy are, cautious to a fault. Especially Michael. They're probably ducked in a alleyway somewhere until the noise dies down. The anchorman said they were still on the lookout for us.”

  Gavin relaxed his shoulders. Ryan was right, he knew. Michael wouldn't move a muscle from his hiding space if he heard even the breath of a helicopter. 

  “Thanks, Rye.”

  Ryan nodded. He felt the impulse to go to him. To wrap his arms around Gavin's shoulders and draw him near. It was an urge that never quite went away, the one to be near Gavin. Then again, the vestigial emotions he felt for Gavin never went away, or dulled even. He still loved Gavin as much as he did when he crawled into bed with him that night. He still caught himself walking down the hall to Gavin's room when they finished heist planning. Laying in his own bed, miles from Gavin's side still felt wrong, and it probably would for a very long time. It was months since he'd last kissed Gavin, but nothing had changed. He wondered if Gavin ever felt the same. If he did, he hid it pretty damn well. 

~

  As it always did, things fell apart. It was post heist, and, per usual, the crew went to a bar to celebrate. Ryan was designated driver, but Gavin got plastered on top shelf brandy.

  Things at the bar went well. Gavin didn't cause as much mayhem as he usually did when drunk, and he stayed stuck to Ryan's side the whole night. No, the issue started when they got home. Ryan elected to stay at his apartment, and Gavin elected to stay with him. Gavin went immediately to bed and Ryan took a shower before joining him. He was surprised to see Gavin still awake when he came out. 

  “'Ello, luv,” Gavin said, beckoning for him to join. Ryan did. He was tired as well, especially since the adrenaline had worn off. 

  He was halfway asleep when he heard Gavin mutter, “I heard you that night, y’know.”

  Ryan knew immediately what he was referencing. 

  “Oh?”

  Gavin's fingers were absently tracing the front of Ryan's shirt. “Yeah.” There was a pause. “I didn't think we were like that, though. All serious and stuff.”

  Ryan didn't say anything. He wasn't sure what to say. It was apparent now that he and Gavin were in two completely different places in this relationship, and expected two completely different things. It hurt him. It hurt him a lot. Because he knew this couldn't end well. Not with Gavin's complete refusal to have a serious discussion or actually communicate. And he couldn't let their relationship continue on when they were both in different places. 

  When he was sure Gavin was dead asleep, he climbed out from under his arm and moved to the couch. 

  Gavin woke up before him. Ryan woke when he called out his name. It felt like a bullet in his chest, the small, sleepy “Rye?” that emerged from his room. He almost lost his nerve, but he knew he couldn't go on in their current state. 

  Gavin came out of the room and saw Ryan on the couch. He froze, sensing something was wrong. 

  “Morning, Rye. Something up?” he asked in that horrible, carefully emotionless way. 

  “Yeah. We need to talk.”

  Gavin's shoulders slumped. “What happened? Did I say something?”

  Ryan stood up, ran his hands through his hair, and walked to the kitchen. The counter between the kitchen and the living room where Gavin stood, somehow made it a little easier for him. 

  “It's come to light that we are both in different places in this relationship. Unless we can work something out, I don't think it'd be smart if we let it continue on.”

  Gavin stared at him. “What do you mean?”

  “What don't you understand?” Ryan asked, keeping his voice placid so as not to expose the anger, despair, and sadness he felt. “You told me last night that you didn't think this was serious. I do. I don't reckon I can convince you to settle down with a heartfelt discussion, so I think we should break up.”

  He almost expected Gavin to argue, to tell him he did think they were a serious couple, but Gavin knew he couldn't lie to him. Gavin was unattached in all things. Ryan should've known better. Gavin liked his freedom too much. He liked being able to change his life at a whim, and he couldn't do that in a serious relationship. It was foolish for Ryan to think Gavin would change this for him. 

  “Fine,” Gavin said. 

  Not another word was uttered until Gavin exited the bedroom again, fully dressed with his golden shades perched upon his nose, car keys in hand. 

  “We can still be friends,” Ryan said. “We can pretend like this all never happened. At the very least we still have to work together and maintain a professional relationship.”

  Gavin swallowed. “I'd like it if we could be friends,” he said, voice neutral. Ryan couldn't tell if Gavin was looking at him. 

  “Okay.” 

  And with that, Gavin left. Ryan felt drained. He crawled back into bed and warded off tears until he fell back asleep.

~

  “Do you think we'll do that casino heist next?” Gavin asked. He was laying across the bench, hands on his stomach and eyes closed. 

  “Maybe. Geoff's been talking about it for awhile now. Last I heard he finally convinced Jack that it's a good idea.”

  Gavin chuckled. “I think it's brilliant. But, I think it's due time we targeted that museum.” 

  “Back to your roots, eh?” Ryan teased. Gavin had specialized in museum robbery before he joined the crew. Paintings, artefacts, things of that nature.

  “There's nothing wrong with going back to your roots. You still take assassination jobs every once in awhile,” he said. 

  Ryan shrugged. “Not saying there's anything wrong with it.”

  Gavin looked over at Ryan. “I miss it sometimes, y’know. Back then, in England. It was harder as I planned everything by myself, but I enjoyed the challenge. Geoff never lets me get involved in planning. I think he forgets that I worked solo for quite awhile before him.”

  Ryan was startled. He wondered if Gavin, too, was a bit delirious from exhaustion but he didn't look tired. “If you asked he might let you have a part in the planning. He let Jack help a bit during this heist.”

  “It's different with Jack.”

  A silence fell. Ryan, feeling emboldened, asked, “Why don't you ever visit England?”

  Gavin shrugged. “Time, mostly. Maybe I will now that the heist is through. My parents have been asking me to visit. You've never been to England, right?”

  Ryan looked at him before shaking his head. 

  “Maybe you could come with me.” Quickly, he added, “Michael and Jeremy said they'd like to go someday. We could just make it a crew vacation, if I could convince Jack and Geoff to come along. It'd be fun. A nice break, at least.”

  This conversation felt too much like old times. If he erased the undercurrent of tension between them he could almost pretend it was. It was uncomfortably comfortable, somehow.  

  “Maybe. I've never been one for traveling, though.”

  “I know,” Gavin said quietly. 

  Ryan looked sidelong at Gavin. Their eyes met for the first time that night, and neither wanted to look away. Ryan's fingers twitched with the urge to reach over and push his fingers through his hair, to draw him near and kiss him for the first time in two months. That was enough to make him look away. 

~

  Ryan never appreciated his friends more than when they, too, pretended like nothing ever happened. He still caught the raised eyebrows whenever he and Gavin were in the same room together or interacted in any way, but other than that they never mentioned anything about a relationship or lack thereof. 

  Things went swimmingly. Ryan was as good an actor as Gavin, so it was easy to pretend like things were completely normal between them. But when he was home alone, in his silent apartment, he never felt right. Gavin's presence had become so commonplace that he didn't feel whole without him beside him. Ryan expected the wrongness to wear off. It did, in a way. It was still present after a month but he became so accustomed to the feeling of being incomplete that it became like breathing or blinking; an unconscious awareness in the back of his mind that the feeling was there. It was a sorry existence, but allowing himself to be in a lopsided relationship just because he didn't like who he was outside of it was just as sorry. 

~

  Geoff and Jack's arrival provided a welcome break to the atmosphere. Geoff had them move the cars into the garage behind the warehouse in case a helicopter flew over, which was at least something to do. After that they all sat at the table in the front room and talked. The receiver sat on the middle of the table, waiting for any word from Jeremy and Michael. The radio was beside it playing quietly, but they hadn't said a word about the heist in hours. 

  The sun was beginning to peak over the mountains now. It was 4 am when the receiver crackled to life and Michael's voice, shrouded in static, came over the speaker. 

  “Hello? Anyone hear me? It's Michael and Jeremy, we're on our way. Anyone hear me?”

  Geoff snatched the receiver up from the table. “Michael, it's Geoff. We're all here and safe. You copy?” 

  “Geoff! Jeremy and I are about 20 minutes from the point. You said everybody is there?”

  “Yeah, asshole. Everyone is fine. What about you guys?”

  “We're great! Top! And we'll be even better when we get there.”

  The whole room took a collective breath of relief. They were all fine. Alive and untouched. 

  When Michael and Jeremy arrived the morning picked up. The fog of exhaustion lifted and was replaced with joy as they all reunited. They hugged each other, and expressed their happiness that none of them were dead in the streets, but after that they went back to normal, pretending they hadn't all toed the line of mental breakdown at the thought of losing one another. But that was how the Fake AH Crew worked. 

  It was 5 am when they began preparations to drive back to the city. Jack, Geoff and Gavin were the only permanent residents at the pent but, for safety's sake they were all staying at least a few nights or until everything blew over. Geoff had more than enough space for them all, and with how much they crashed there they practically lived there anyways.

  They were to take different routes into the city so as not to raise suspicion. As they loaded up into their cars, Gavin quietly slipped into Ryan's. Perhaps it was because he'd gotten to used to the arrangement, barring the last two months, but Ryan didn't notice anything wrong with it until Gavin said, “Can we talk?”

  “About?”

  Gavin was quiet for a second. “You know. Serious stuff. Relationship stuff.”

  Ryan sighed. “Does it have to be tonight?”

  “Yes. Otherwise I might lose my nerve. I'll just say it; I've been thinking for awhile about what you said. The stuff about me not being able to settle down. And you're right. But I've thinking and I care about you. I worked on myself these last few months and I've gotten a lot better at talking stuff more seriously and being more open about how I feel. I want to have another go at it. I care about you a lot, and I'd really like a second chance. If you want me to prove that I've changed I'll do whatever it takes to show you.”

  Ryan felt like his heart was going to explode from his chest. He didn't know how to respond. His first reaction was to tell Gavin yes, he could have a second chance but the more logical part of him was telling him to not be so impulsive. He had to think about it. 

  When it became clear that Ryan wasn't going to say anything, Gavin continued. “The last two months for me has been miserable. I convinced myself that this was casual for me because, you know how I am. Real emotions scare me. But when you told me we were breaking up I was devastated. It was real, despite how much I tried to tell myself it wasn't. I know I messed up. I was an absolute prick, and I understand if you don't want to do this. But I really hope you'll at least consider it.”

  Ryan stared at the road silently. The city streets were filling as thousands of people began their morning commute. He turned into Geoff's garage, entered the passcode, and parked. When he shut his car off there was a dead silence, save for the traffic outside mostly muted by thick concrete walls. Gavin was watching him expectantly.

  “It'd be easier to just… move on, Gavin. Smarter.”

  “Would it be? Really? I've had a hell of a time trying to get over you and, two months later I still miss you constantly. Would it really be easier to pretend we don't like each other anymore rather than just bloody get on with it. I admit I was an asshole. I apologized, and I accept all the blame. Haven't I been punished enough?”

  Ryan huffed. “It's not about punishment, Gavin. It's about not repeating past mistakes.” He scratched the back of his neck. “I still care about you a lot, Gavin.”

  Cautiously, Gavin said, “Love?”

  Good question, Ryan thought. Yes, he still loved Gavin. A lot. 

  “I don't know,” he lied. “Yes,” he then added because it was the least he could do to not be a hypocrite. 

  “I love you too.”

  Ryan looked at him, which was a terrible idea. Gavin looked so hopeful. It wasn't something he was used to seeing on Gavin. 

  Before Ryan could think to stop himself he was kissing him. Gently, like it was their first kiss all over again. Ryan's chest ached with a thousand different emotions but mostly homecoming. Like falling back into his own bed after a long away job, or visiting his childhood home. Gavin's fingers tightened in the front of his shirt and held him close, like he was afraid Ryan would pull away. It felt cathartic. He pushed his fingers through Gavin's hair, a reassurance that he wasn't going to leave. 

  “Bloody hell,” Gavin muttered when they pulled apart for air. “I missed that.”

  Ryan grinned and moved in for another, but the door of the garage opened as someone else arrived. 

  Once they were all there they made their way up to the pent and began settling in for rest. They took turns using the showers and Jack and Geoff prepared three more rooms for Jeremy, Michael, and Ryan. He had plans to sleep in the guest room, but Gavin caught him in the hall when he came out of the bathroom and pulled him to his room. Ryan didn't protest. He climbed under the sheets and Gavin moved to be close to him. 

  “Thank you,” Gavin muttered against his neck. 

  Ryan's fingers pushed under Gavin's shirt and he turned his head to catch his lips. 

  He felt whole again. For the first time in too long he felt whole again. He slept better that night, with Gavin clinging to him, than he had in the last two months.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave feedback if you liked it! Constructive criticism is welcomed!
> 
> Or follow me on Tumblr at [Mcusekat!](http://desertsongs.co.vu)
> 
> And, as always, thank you so much to everyone who reads and comments!! <3


End file.
